SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've been here since 2016.

There are people here who believe that male and female BS'S are treated differently from society at large.

They believe that female BS'S are viewed with sympathy and male BS'S are insulted and emasculated.

Now, we have a this kiss cam situation where there is a male and female BS.

As far as I can see, both the male and female BS are receiving the same amount of sympathy

I don't see the male BS getting insulted and the female BS getting sympathy

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 5:26 PM, Tuesday, July 22nd]

I see people acting like the male BS doesn’t even exist.

I can’t figure out if that is just women doing most of the posting and focus on the same gender BS or what.

I would like to know what male BSes take on it is because it is a very odd phenomenon to watch.

Boy I hate to generalize, but....

Men generally have their problems ignored by society and are expected to figure it out themselves. This is merely a microcosm of that societal attitude in my opinion. Basically any issue a man is confronted with, the advice is basically, "Improve yourself and do better next time, you are the only obstacle in your way." Pain is temporary, the glory of the Roman Empire is forever.

It took a couple of days to even verify that the WW had a BS and many outlets still haven’t reported it. About 80% of the coverage I have seen focuses on the cheating man (his spouse, his job, his kids, will he lose his job, how much money he has, etc.).

The info I have seen about the WW spouse seems more neutral and focused on his job and that her "type" appears to be CEOs. Can’t say I’ve seen much "sympathy" for him at all.

I would love to see a study on this subject where researchers read all the comments globally on kiss cam responses and do analysis on how commenters with different genders,economic backgrounds and cultural biases view the male and female BS'S in this situation

I often use AI tools for similar purposes.

For example, Reddit is often characterized as being radically against cheaters. You'll frequently see comments like, "Reddit basement dwellers treat cheaters worse than murderers or rapists." I genuinely don't believe this to be the case.

I recall a Reddit post that went viral, discussing an affair from years ago and whether the person should disclose it or if it would only cause pain. After reading many comments bemoaning Reddit's "harsh" stance on cheaters (what that even means, I'm not sure—should we praise them instead?), I copied and pasted all the comments into an AI tool for analysis.

The findings were insightful: roughly 20 percent of the comments were abusively negative. Forty-nine percent were negative but reasonable. Interestingly, 20 percent were somewhat supportive, and 20 percent were highly sympathetic. To me, these findings don't suggest an overwhelmingly harsh viewpoint from users. In fact, I believe this likely aligns with the default views of people polled at random in the real world.

All of this is to say, you could do likewise. Find an article with a robust comment section on the kiss cam topic, paste the comments into an AI tool of your choice, and request specific analytical information.

I agree that the male BS has been largely ignored. I actually had to Google her marital status,which in itself is telling.

I've been here since 2016 and have seen many threads debating how differently male and female BS'S are treated.

These threads discussing male and female BS'S would get ugly with many people involved.

In the past, I would avoid every single male and female BS debate thread because I didn't want to argue with anyone.

The first male and female thread I've ever participated in was this thread I created here.

To be honest, I was kind of disappointed that no argument erupted in this thread and after 5 days this thread had only seven responses

I think he will rebound career wise.

I don’t think she will. Very much the stereotype.

I dunno. A lot of the stories, articles, and Twitter posts I've seen seem to focus more on how much of a slime the man is in that situation given that he was in the position of power. Not that many are giving the woman a pass, but the focus has been a lot on the "he," "him," and "his poor wife" side of it.

I personally think they're both slime balls. She's married, too, from what I gather, and just as guilty. I read another article that outlined how she pretty much took over shaping company policy and hired or fired who she wanted with his blessing.

What I have read shows a lot more sympathy/empathy for the ex CEO's BW moreso than the ex HR execs BH. I hope they both do extremely well in their divorces.

On another note, this whole fiasco has sparked a massive amount if discussion about similar crap in the workplace. I am traveling for work right now and after a few drinks, many exchanged stories about similar things that have happened in their respective work places. Some got exposed, many did not. Couldnt help but notice that when the topic came up, some blanched and became very quiet, others laughed their asses off saying, "Where is the kiss cam when you needed it?"

One thing's for sure, this story has legs, has sparked a massive amount of discussion (much of which was uncomfortable to many Im sure) and wont be going away any time soon.

[This message edited by DobleTraicion at 3:11 PM, Wednesday, July 30th]

I asked Google AI this

"did the male and female betrayed spouses in the kiss cam controversy get the same amount of sympathy from online commentors ?"

This was Google AI response.

"Reports suggest that the betrayed female spouse, (redacted) , received a significant outpouring of sympathy from online commentators after the Coldplay kiss cam controversy. Many expressed support for her, wishing her well and encouraging her to seek financial compensation from her estranged husband.

However, the level of online sympathy for ( Redacted) (the HR executive involved in the affair) estranged husband is less clear. While some recognized the trauma experienced by all the families involved in the scandal, including the female cheater's husband, the focus of online discussions and media coverage seems to have been primarily on female betrayed spouse's public response and the actions of her cheating spouse, (redacted)

It's important to acknowledge that online responses to such controversies can be highly subjective and vary widely. While sympathy for female betrayed spouse was certainly evident, it's difficult to definitively conclude whether both betrayed spouses received the exact same amount of support or if there was a perceived difference in the nature and intensity of that support. "

I asked Google AI this

"did the male and female betrayed spouses in the kiss cam controversy get the same amount of sympathy from online commentors ?"

ChatGPT asked the same question with the only difference inserting "Coldplay" in front of "kiss cam". Much more definitive about a disparity in coverage/reactions:

No — the betrayed spouses did not receive equal sympathy online.

⸻

🧵 Internet Reaction & Sympathy Disparity

1. Significant Sympathy Toward Betrayed Wife
•Commenters frequently expressed empathy for xxxxxx( wife), emphasizing her emotional and public ordeal. A piece in The Daily Telegraph highlighted how Coldplay now serves as a painful reminder for her, turning beloved music into heartbreak — a clear sign of public emotional investment in her suffering  .
•When the fan who posted the video spoke publicly, she echoed sympathy for xxxxx and said she hoped the exposure might eventually lead to healing for the betrayed partners .
•Reporting notes that xxxxx wife deleted her surname and deactivated social media, a move widely interpreted online as part of her narrative of hurt and emotional processing .

2. Much Less Focus on HR Lady’s Spouse
•Although HR Lady was identified as married to xxxxxxx, comment threads and articles gave little attention to him. Most conspiracy and commentary centered on the cheaters themselves, while her husband remained largely absent from the conversation .
•Discussions of sympathy — where it existed — were overwhelmingly framed around CEO’s wife, not HR Lady’s spouse  .

⸻

🔍 Why the Disparity?
•Gendered narratives of sympathy: Public discourse tended to center on the betrayed married woman as the primary figure deserving empathy, while the betrayed man was largely peripheral to media and social discussion  .
•Power dynamics and public visibility: xxxxx was the CEO in a high-profile tech company, making himself and his actions a focal point. His public fall magnified sympathy toward his spouse. In contrast, HR Lady’s associate was less in the spotlight, eroding opportunities for public empathy toward him

Overall, CEO’s wife became the central emotional figure, while HR Lady’s spouse remained almost invisible in the discourse around sympathy.

⸻

🌐 Final Takeaway

The online reaction to the Coldplay/Astronomer kiss cam scandal exhibited a clear imbalance: CEO’s wife received far more empathy and attention than HR Lady’s husband. This reflects broader societal patterns in how infidelity scandals are gendered in public narratives.

In the past, topics about female and male BS's would get a ton of debate and fighting.

*Dorothy wonders aloud if AI will end forum arguing and debating*

In the past, I or anyone else in the forum could quote the quotes that I quoted below and say "Well, it just seems like that you , but I see things differently. There's no way you could've read every comment and come out with a scientific analysis"

I see people acting like the male BS doesn’t even exist.

It took a couple of days to even verify that the WW had a BS and many outlets still haven’t reported it. About 80% of the coverage I have seen focuses on the cheating man (his spouse, his job, his kids, will he lose his job, how much money he has, etc.).

I agree that the male BS has been largely ignored. I actually had to Google her marital status,which in itself is telling.

I’m starting to wonder if this whole thread is just a troll attempt. OP seems more disappointed there isn’t "fight or debate" than the actual responses received….

In the past, topics about female and male BS's would get a ton of debate and fighting.

*Dorothy wonders aloud if AI will end forum arguing and debating*

In the past, I or anyone else in the forum could quote the quotes that I quoted below and say "Well, it just seems like that you , but I see things differently. There's no way you could've read every comment and come out with a scientific analysis"

So at the risk of "biting" on the troll attempt, this last sentence is baffling. The OP used "some believe" and "as far as I can see, (and her stated position) in the original post. All fair enough. Now the responses have come in (8 people besides OP. 6 supporting that coverage/sympathy is skewed towards BW/UH, 1 neutral suggesting AI research and 1 speaking to stereotypes related to unfaithfuls and the disparate outcomes for them) and "what we have seen" and provided feedback on is mocked because we haven’t "read every comment and come out with scientific analysis"? And YOU have? Can you publish your "paper" on the subject? "D’oh" indeed…..

I’m sorry you aren’t getting the "fight" you are looking for. Even though responses are heavily skewed against your opinion (in fact, NONE of the responses agree with your position)you choose to invalidate those by challenging the "rigor" involved and a mocking meme. I have observed what I observed. I too had to Google to see if UW was even married. I can’t find ONE article that mentioned UW as being married that isn’t days past the event, etc. No, that isn’t EVERY article but it matches the parameters in the original post: "as far as I can see"…..

*Dorothy wonders aloud if AI will end forum arguing and debating*

Of course not. AI engines vary (look at the difference in this thread between GoogleAI and ChatGPT), how questions are framed, etc. AI also isn’t infallible. I was on a sports message board and a poster used AI to try to "win" an argument. The response was rife with obvious errors (team Win/Loss record was wrong, listed opponents the team hadn’t played, stats were all wrong, etc. He ended up getting ridiculed into the ground).

Even with the difference of response, BOTH AIs more closely supported the position of disparity between treatment/coverage of the "KISS Cam characters". While Google AI tried to remain somewhat "non-committal" about the treatment of the male BS, it was VERY clear "most" of the coverage was focused on UH/BW. ChatGPT took a VERY firm position (you likely don’t agree with).

Maybe ChatGPT will give you the fight/debate you are looking for?

It was not a troll attempt.

I was just reminiscing how it was here it was here before AI.

In the past,male and female threads were rife with argument and debate.

I was being sarcastic when I said I was disappointed that no fight broke out here.

Also, it wasn't my intention to mock anyone with the quotes.

I was just saying that before ai, I or anyone can highlight the quotes and argue with the poster.

Im saying now with ai, there is no argument.

Edit to add: im sorry if I advertantly offended anyone.

It was certainly not my intention.

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 5:43 PM, Tuesday, August 5th]

@Dorothy123 - I definitely saw the sarcasm in your post - I think the emoji gave it away!😂

I have really mixed feelings about the whole situation. On one of H's first public 'dates with AP, they went to an NHL game. He told me he was going with someone else. I watched the game on TV, not really expecting, but wondering if I'd see him on TV (I didn't know where his seats were). The thing is, his AP was someone he met through work - there was no position of authority of him over her... they didn't even work in the same area. But had he been on TV and someone from work had seen them (it was a big company, so lots of employees), he could have lost his job - the employer is very conservative with those kinds of issues. I would have been horrified had their presence together on TV would have made his affair so public. As it is, I often wonder if he was ever seen out with her in public by someone I knew. But if so, at least it wouldn't have been on TV for many people he knew might have seen. The night of this hockey game was also the first time they had sex, so hockey now triggers me; I had been a huge fan since growing up, which was unusual since I was living in the South.

But damn, the memes that are making themselves around Facebook are hilarious! And I'm sort of glad to see the two people get castigated for their stupidity. But I really feel for the two spouses whose private lives are now being mocked. And I hate that I can't share some of these memes on my FB because some of them are really clever. Not a meme, but I particularly enjoyed the mocking done by the Phillie's Phanatic in a replay the next night at their home game. I think there have since been other live events where the story has been mocked. H and I went to a MLB game a couple of weeks ago, and I was a bit afraid some sort of mocking would happen there... thankfully it didn't.

But at these subsequent events, where there are tens of thousands of fans, you KNOW there are lots of situations where there are cheating couples in attendance, or married spouses who have been cheated on... maybe there with their spouse who cheated on them, and it can be a painful reminder. To minimize that kind of pain, I do kind of wish the mocking would stop. I'm sure the spouses can't find a rock big enough to hide under.