Need advice and tips

I’m 5 weeks post D-day. I have been a mess. A complete emotional wreck. I can’t believe she did this to me for 3 months. I still haven’t fully processed my emotions or the betrayal. I am at the phase where I’m not sure if I want to R. She answered every question I had about the A and is willing to take a polygraph test. She has been looking for IC for herself but hasn’t found anyone she’s comfortable with. She has an appointment today and one coming up in 2 days with 2 different IC. She has been supportive in every way and assuring. She writes me journals daily about how sorry she is and how she can’t believe she actually did this, but I don’t understand how you can do something like this and meet someone for 3 months emotionally and sexually and not care or think about what your doing. She claims she regrets it and wishes she can take it back. I’m extremely broken, more than expected because I loved, trusted, cared, and valued our relationship, regardless of the flaws. I’m not doing good mentally because of this and can’t focus or sleep well. I have so many questions, will I ever love her again? Will I ever be "normal"? Will I ever trust her again? When is it safe to give her the physical compliments she desires as a woman? When can and should I start being nice to her? Even though she committed the unimaginable and betrayed me, I still have a soft spot for the woman I gave my heart to 17 years ago. She has been asking for sex and I’ve been rejecting her. I obviously crave sex and affection but I’m extremely broken. I would appreciate some insight based on experience and how things "should" be handled.

I apologize about being all over the place in my post but this is currently my state of mind and life, all over the place.

3 comments posted: Tuesday, June 17th, 2025

Kind words

D-day was about 3 weeks ago. She has started therapy and showed sincere remorse in the short period of time. She has brought up feeling neglected from me and not giving her attention and make her feel "wanted" before the A, even though she still hasn’t found the exact reason she started the A. When should or shouldn’t I start giving compliments and kind words to my WS? I didn’t give her much before the A due to my ego and resentment towards her, now I just want to shower her with kindness and compliments during R. But I also don’t want her to think everything is ok. I have only showed her appreciation for opening up and being honest. I have also showed appreciation towards her big steps trying to fix her mess and her commitment towards therapy and daily aplogies. Any advice would be appreciated

8 comments posted: Wednesday, June 4th, 2025

Intimacy

I understand that each person is different and each A if different with different "levels" of infidelity. I also understand there is no correct or right answer to this question. But my question is, how long after D-Day would be "ok" to start intimacy in the bedroom? I know a lot of factors come into play. It has almost been 3 weeks since D-day for me but there are a lot of things that have been triggering me and not sure if it will bring us closer or let her think that everything is ok, and minimize consequences.

4 comments posted: Wednesday, June 4th, 2025

2 weeks post D-Day

My story is in my bio. I found out a bit over 2 weeks ago. I am a complete mess. My wife is very empathetic and sorry and feels stupid for what she has done and what has put me through. She has been trying to initiate intimacy in bed with me. I gave in last night but it triggered me in a few ways given the details she has provided in her confession. Does anyone have advice on how to go about it? Also, wondering if trauma(hysterical) bonding is good or bad for R? I have read mixed reviews all over the internet.

4 comments posted: Monday, June 2nd, 2025