Neverending-
I am on my second go around but I feel like neither of us really did the work- especially him- to heal properly.
He never did face the whys. He was remorseful, he was sorry , he changed in a lot of ways we grew closer, but without facing the deep self reflection, his poor coping mechanisms and lack of communication and emotional availabilitiy the innapropriate coping was bound to resurface when things got stressful. And they did- I nearly died and he had to become my caretaker and do everything to look after me, run the house AND keep his business going after covid. So the innapropriate behavior returned aS a way of escaping and coping with stress.
This time he knew we were done, and most likely he would destroy himself if he didn't face himself. He was already on the path of change when the newest d day happened. Which ironically was why I went searching - his behaviour was so different I thought something was up- it was that he had realized he couldn't continue what he was doing so he stopped the innapropriateness and worked on himself and our communication.
Without him being truly remorseful, truly feeling my pain and self reflecting enough to figure out the whys and make changes I would not be attempting to reconcile.
I have said many times I will have all of him or none. If he doesn't love me or himself enough to do the work and self reflection I don't want to be in a relationship with him.
The innapropriate behaviour all makes sense now, he was a porn abuser off and on for 25 yrs. D-day1 2002 or 4 (rugswept dating profile) same in 2010. 2011-14 innappropriate messaging, active profiles seeking nsa sex. R (?) 2014-18. Started again maybe 23
